Parrots In Disguise

Ann: I love that new country song by Rodney Atkins, “Watching You".

Pam: Is that the one where the guy’s four-year-old son says a swear word and the dad asks him where he learned to talk that way? The little boy tells him, “I’ve been watching you”.

Ann: Yeah, and then the dad’s so mortified by his bad example he goes to the barn and prays for God to make him a better father. Later that night the little boy kneels and prays and again tells his dad, “I’ve been watching you.”

Pam: It’s a great song. It really brings back memories of when my kids were little.


Ann: Every time I hear it I think of my nephew. When he and Hannah were about two they used to ride around the house on those little scooty cars. One day Hannah was in his way so he said, “Beep, beep. Outta the way, a$*#ole!”

Pam: Wow! Two-year-old road rage! I hope he wasn’t carrying a concealed water gun. This is Texas after all. What’d ya do?

Ann: Well, first I closed my dropped jaw. I’ve never heard a little kid say such a thing. Then I had to fight not to laugh.

Pam: Did he know what he’d said was wrong?

Ann: They knew something wasn’t quite right because they both looked up at me with that innocent face that only children can pull off.

Pam: I don’t know. I think your ex did a pretty good job with that face in his day. Was your sister there?

Ann: Yeah. I teased her and said, “I guess I know what goes on in your car.” She just looked back at me and with no expression said, “He’s been riding with his dad.”

Pam: Did you believe her?

Ann: Not really. I’ve been a passenger with her too many times.

Pam: I was always amazed how much the kids picked up when I thought they weren’t even paying attention.

Ann: I think we all did the same thing to our parents when we were little. Once when I was about three, one of my dad’s business associates was coming to the house. Now, I don’t remember this but it’s one of those family stories that gets told over and over.

Pam: Don’t you hate those?

Ann: I love telling them on my kids. I hate them when I'm the lead character.

Pam: So you can dish it out but you can’t take it!

Ann: Basically. So anyway, I must have been eavesdropping on my parents or they forgot I was in the room, because when the guy came to the door I said, “My mommy doesn’t like you.”

Pam: You didn’t! Your mom must have been mortified. Were you punished?

Ann: The story never gets told beyond that point so I don’t know for sure what happened. But every time they tell it, I get the oddest taste of soap in my mouth.

Pam: At least I hope the guy had a sense of humor.

Ann: Me, too. So fess up. How’d you embarrass your parents?

Pam: Me? I was the perfect child!

Ann: Yeah, yeah. I know better than that. Spill!

Pam: My family tells one of those stories on me, too. I actually kind of remember. I must have been about three or four and we’d just come back from vacation. I loved playing with all the new critters I’d seen on the beach. Anyway, my dad’s commanding officer and his wife were coming over for dinner. I’d heard my folks talking about them and I remember being very excited to meet the wife. What I’d heard my mom say about her seemed pretty cool.

When they got to our house, I peeped out from behind my mother’s skirt as she answered the door. But when I saw the commanding officer’s wife I was really disappointed. So I said loudly, “Mommy, you were wrong. She doesn’t look crabby at all!"