Forced To Travel Light

Pam: How was your trip?

Ann: Fine except I nearly pulled a hamstring jumping through all the hoops. That TSA is really something. It wasn’t too bad though. The guy sitting next to me on the plane was a pilot. He was headed home from delivering a corporate jet to be repainted. He had some pretty interesting stories about flying after September 11th.

Pam: I’m sure that was a crazy time for anyone in aviation.

Ann: Actually he’d flown into Washington, DC on September 10th and he watched the Pentagon burn from his hotel balcony. He said they shut down Reagan International Airport in DC for about a week so he had to hang around to get his jet out of there.

Pam: What a mess. What about his passengers?

Ann: Once the commercial airlines were flying again he sent them home but he waited around until the FAA finally allowed private jets to leave.

He arranged to fly the jet back single-pilot and without passengers. In other words, he would be the only one on the airplane. But the TSA escorted him out onto the ramp and inspected the private jet for weapons. Then they confiscated his nail clippers, the tweezers from the first aid kit, and even the spoons from the galley!

Pam: Okay, that’s over the top!

Ann: He told the guy, “Listen, do you get that I will be absolutely alone on this aircraft? It never occurred to me to hijack myself with a spoon!”

Pam: I guess there’s no place for common sense in the regulations. I had something happen to me at that same airport. But instead of being too strict the TSA was actually way too lenient. I’m glad they let me through, but looking back, it’s pretty scary.

Ann: So they let you fly but confiscated your flask? That would be scary.

Pam: Very funny…So we were heading home and when we got to the airport I realized that somehow I lost my driver’s license. Bret was able to get my boarding pass using a credit card in the self-serve kiosk but I knew I would need a government issued ID to get through security.

Ann: What? (Laughing) Were your top secret CIA credentials with your driver’s license?

Pam: I was working undercover on this trip so no, I didn’t have them. So, anyway, I go to the first TSA agent at the entrance to security, you know the one who checks boarding passes and compares them to the ID, and I explain my problem. She asks if I have anything at all with a photo on it and I tell her all I have is my Costco card.

Ann: No way.

Pam: Yeah. So she says that will do but that I’ll have to undergo further screening and she marks my boarding pass accordingly. So Bret and I put our stuff on the conveyor belt…briefcase, laptop, carry-on suitcase, jacket, purse, shoes, the works.

Ann: They practically strip search you these days. You'd think they could make that more fun…

Pam: And so I walk through the metal detector and as expected I’m pulled aside for a closer look. Meanwhile Bret collects ALL our belongings and gets himself re-dressed. Since he’s loaded down pretty good, he motions to me that he’ll go ahead to the gate and I nod to him.

Then I have my intensive search. They “wand” my arms, legs, and bare feet, they pat down my sides and do the prayerful chopping hands thing down the center of my chest to check my bra. Finally they tell me that they'll also have to search my belongings and ask me to point them out among the items at the end of the conveyor belt.

Ann: But I thought Bret already gathered everything and went to the gate.

Pam: He did. So I tell them I don’t have anything and they say, “Okay then. You can go.” And they watch me walk to the gate with no suitcase, no purse, no jacket, and no belt. I was empty handed and barefoot as I left security and they thought nothing of it!

Ann: Maybe they figured you were going to the beach.