The Little Lady In Charge

Pam: I’m at this big conference and I’m getting a little tired of the patronizing pats on the head I’ve been getting.

Ann: What do you mean?

Pam: You know in my industry I'm outnumbered 100 to 1, men to women. I swear, every time I’m introduced they say, “And here’s the little lady who REALLY holds the power in that company. She’s the REAL boss. Right Pam?”

Ann: It sounds like they’re trying to pay you a compliment.

Pam: Maybe. But most of the time it feels more like there’s a bit of ‘wink, wink’ going on among the men. Sort of, “Let’s throw her a bone and make her feel important, but we know she's just the person who takes care of the details. We men are the real big picture thinkers!”

Ann: You’ve slipped into your super-cynical mode.

Pam: No, really. Their tone reminds me of when we used to tell our two-year-olds how much help they’ve been with folding the laundry. But not being two, I’m actually offended by it.

Ann: Yeah, I’ve been there. In my pre-mom professional days when I was a chemical engineer, I was telling my dad and uncle about a pilot plant I was designing. I was proud of my team and the new technologies we’d developed. My uncle’s response to my career accomplishments was, “How cute!”

Pam: Did he pat you on the head and give you a lollipop too?

Ann: Practically! I was insulted, but I let it go because I figured he still saw me as the little girl he used to hold upside down to make me giggle.


Pam: Yeah, my grandfather used to do the same thing to me. One time, I took my new puppy to see him, eager to impress him with my dog-training abilities. I put the little dog through his entire repertoire and I couldn’t wait to hear my grandfather’s praise of my hard work and talent. But his reaction to the impressive performance was, “Smart dog ya got there!”

Ann: Yeah, men who knew us as children sometimes seem to have a hard time seeing us as competent women. I guess a competent dog is easier to accept.

Pam: So how do you explain the men at the conference who have only known me as an adult? They keep giving me these condescending pats on the head.

Ann: Maybe they’re hoping you’ll wag your tail.