Outsourcing God

Ann: So how was your Memorial weekend?

Pam: I’m pretty frustrated with my roadside assistance company right now.

Ann: Did you break down?

Pam: No, Kate did. She had a blow out on Interstate 35 in Dallas. Thank goodness for cell phones. She called me and I told her, “Don’t worry. Sit tight. I’ll call the motor club and they’ll be out to help you right away.”

Ann: Did she know right away meant 2 hours?

Pam: Or never! Get this…I called the toll free number and was connected to their customer service line which sounded suspiciously like one of those “outsourced” call centers.


Ann: Yeah, where some guy with a heavy accent tells you his name is “Sam”.

Pam: That’s it. Well I gave him Kate’s location and he says, “I don’t show a street called Interstate 35 in Dallas, Texas.”

Ann: You’ve got to be kidding! Did you try I35E or Stemmons Freeway? You know how all the major highways have multiple names in Texas.

Pam: I gave him those names too. I told him it was a major north/south thoroughfare through Dallas and he said, “What’s a thoroughfare?”

Ann: Lovely!

Pam: I told him to look again. I said, “Look at any map you’ve got, you can’t miss Interstate 35.” He just kept telling me he didn’t have that road in his computer.

Ann: Well, it is a pretty new highway. I think it’s only been around since the early 60s. Perhaps they hadn’t updated their maps yet.

Pam: Yeah, right. I said, “You’ve got to be freaking kidding me! Interstate 35 runs from Mexico through the entire United States all the way to Canada. And you can’t find it in your computer?”

Ann: This outsourcing thing is getting beyond frustrating and becoming downright ridiculous and insulting. I heard there’s an online news source in Pasadena, California, that’s actually outsourced their local news stories. They have people in India watch the Pasadena local TV channels and cable broadcast of the city council meetings. Then these guys who’ve never even stepped foot in Pasadena, much less the United States, write the articles about local city government and politics.

Pam: Outsourced local news coverage! That’s pretty crazy. But I can top it. My priest was telling me that one of the major television ministries here in the states has outsourced their prayer lines.

Ann: What?

Pam: Yeah, he was reading about how a woman in Des Moines named Lori Danes called for prayers for her mother’s ulcers. The prayer representative, who called himself “Darren”, prayed in a strong Indian accent that “all the gods would bless her mightily.”


Ann: ALL the gods?

Pam: Apparently the manager of India Prayer Solutions in Mumbai said that the employee had not been properly trained.

Ann: That’s unbelievable. Gives you a warm fuzzy feeling, huh? I’m starting to think they’re going to outsource every last job in America.

Pam: I’m telling you, the next thing you know they’re going to be outsourcing the job of the snow plow drivers to India too.

Ann: Well, not along I35 anyway. According to them it doesn’t exist!