Pam: All of us at the office went out to lunch today. We took my boss, Archie’s car and I swear his driving sends me off the deep end!Ann: Confucius say…man who drives like hell, bound to get there.
Pam: By the time we finally made it back to the office, that’s exactly where I wanted to tell him to go. He just won’t slow down no matter how anyone else in the car feels about it.
Ann: He knows he drives like a madman. I was talking to him about my low fat diet and he told me, “I drive way too fast to worry about my cholesterol killing me.”
Pam: He thinks everyone going slower than him is an idiot and the rare guy going faster than him is a maniac. He actually told us he never uses his turn signals because they only broadcast your next move in the road battle.
Ann: Maybe he figures the probability of being involved in a wreck is directly proportional to the time spent on the road. By driving really fast, he’s actually decreasing the chance of getting hurt.
Pam: Whose side are you on anyway? I should have known he was an aggressive driver when I first met him. I was updating the employee records and I asked him for his driver’s license to make a copy for his file. When I commented that he looked pretty angry in his license photo, he said that it was appropriate since that’s how he looks whenever he gets pulled over. In his picture he actually looked like he was cussing.
Ann: They say you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Pam: He gets pretty mad. Once when we were on our way back from a meeting, he was driving his usual thirty miles an hour over the speed limit. Then he started complaining about the ‘woman driver’ in the next lane who was checking her makeup in the rearview mirror. But the whole time he went on and on about how she needs to pay attention to the road, he checked his phone for messages, poured coffee from cup to cup to cool it, and even moved a key from one key ring to another.
Ann: So just don’t ride with him anymore if he makes you that nervous.
Pam: Gas costs so much now I’m better off risking the medical bills. Besides, I got my revenge.
Ann: Oh no. What’d you do?
Pam: As I left the office I wrote a little warning to the other drivers in the dust on the back of his car. On one side I wrote “Caution: I drive like you do” and on the other I wrote, “Beware! I’m THAT guy”.
Ann: And you thought gas was expensive when you were employed!
