Disturbing The Peace

Pam: There are volumes written about how to cope with the empty nest. Why doesn’t anyone write a book about the suddenly un-empty nest?

Ann: Having both kids home from college is a real adjustment isn’t it?

Pam: I finally began to discover and appreciate the little perks of having my beloved children hundreds and hundreds of miles away. Mainly that the house stays just as I left it. Then they’re suddenly back and I feel robbed…literally.

Ann: Robbed of what?

Pam: Headbands, razors, restaurant leftovers, short slips, umbrellas, toothpaste, cell phone chargers, you name it! I miss the kids desperately all year long but I sure did love having things remain right where I left them.

Ann: You’re right. It gets worse after they’ve been away at school. I guess it’s the culture in a dorm or in a shared apartment. It’s pretty much what’s mine is yours and visa versa. They get used to just taking what they like.

Pam: That’s true. I remember when Ross left for school. Kate was still in high school and she was just at the age where she started to ‘borrow’ a lot of my stuff without permission. Bret wasn’t very understanding about how frustrating it was for me.

Ann: He thought it was no big deal, huh?

Pam: Yep. Then when Ross came home after his first semester away, suddenly Bret’s black socks, golf balls, white undershirts, and shaving cream started to disappear. Suddenly he was ready to lay down the law.

Ann: Yeah, I remember when Troy used to come home in the summers. It would take Hannah and me weeks to readjust to having him back in the house. He’s our neat-nick. He’d constantly be cleaning up and it really annoyed us.

Pam: You’re complaining because he tidied up too much?


Ann: I’m not talking about doing a load of dishes or taking out the trash. I swear he was compulsive. I’d get up to answer the phone and when I came back the, book I was reading and the tea I was drinking would be gone…swept away in a cleaning frenzy. It really was irritating.

Pam: Yeah Ross is my cleaner and Kate is my messy one. She leaves what we refer to as ‘Kate droppings’ everywhere. If Troy is your neat one does that mean Hannah’s messy?

Ann: You have no idea! We have a new phenomenon around here with Hannah. I call it the ‘abduction scene’. I’ll come home and there in the family room is a big dent in the middle of the couch surrounded by a whirlwind of random items. It’s as if she was there one moment and in the next she was suddenly plucked up by aliens.

Pam: Oh I know it well. At first I found it pretty frustrating. I’d think, ‘Why the heck can’t this girl pick up after herself?’ But then I learned the value of the clues an abduction scene leaves behind.

Ann: What do you mean?

Pam: Okay…For instance, what was left at Hannah’s last abduction scene?

Ann: Let me think…A half eaten Taco Bell Nacho Bell Grande meal and an empty soft drink cup, the TV remote control, a cordless phone, a bunch of makeup, nail polish, the newspaper’s weekend guide spread out all over, both of her brown purses, and her keys.

Pam: Well that’s easy. It’s as good as a handwritten note…

Dear Mom,
I won’t be home for dinner. There was nothing on TV so I made a few calls and got a hot date. We’re going to the movies. By the way, I borrowed your brown purse.

Love, Hannah

P.S. You’ll know I’m home when I wake you with doorbell.

Ann: Wow! That’s amazing.

Pam: (Sigh) Years of practice.