Complimentary Nuts

Pam: Have you ever been insulted in a way that could actually be taken as a compliment?

Ann: Okay…you’re going to have to explain that one.

Pam: Remember Patty? You met her on the trip to Kansas. She was the pretty lady who worked at the reception desk.

Ann: The one in the flowered dress? She’s a little older, right? Creeping up on fifty…

Pam: That’s her. But she’s fifty-five.

Ann: Wow! She looks great.

Pam: I think so too. Anyway, we were chatting on the phone yesterday and she told me that a guy really insulted her by asking her if she was expecting a baby.

Ann: Oh no! I can’t believe any man would make that mistake! I’d be crushed.

Pam: Yeah, at first she was upset that he thought she looked fat. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized it could actually be taken as a compliment that he thought she was young enough to even be pregnant.

Ann: Hopefully she took it in the good way if it helped her feel better. So have you ever had an insult that could be a compliment too?

Pam: I guess so. At work the guys are always saying things like, “You never know what’s hot on television”. They’re accusing me of being out of touch with pop culture. The thing is, they’re right. They mean it as a dig, but I consider it quite a compliment. How about you? Ever get insults that you consider flattering in some way?

Ann: My ex used to always tell me that my standards are too high. Coming from him, I considered that a compliment.

Pam: Well obviously he was wrong…you married him didn’t you?

Ann: Let’s not go there….More often I have it happen the other way around—where a compliment feels more like an insult. Like when someone says, “Wow, you’ve lost a ton of weight!”

Pam: Yeah, I never say that to people because it’s just saying, “You’re not as fat as you used to be.” When I see someone who’s lost a lot of weight I usually say, “You look terrific!” They know what I mean.

Ann: I know people who have actually perfected the art of the backhanded compliment.

Pam: My mom is the all time master! I’ll never forget when my grandmother asked my mother what my husband-to-be was like. My mom paused, looked up, hemmed and hawed a bit, and finally came out with, “Well…he’s a hard-worker.” As if she had to struggle to think of anything at all and then that was the kindest thing she could think to say.

When I called her on it she feigned surprise and told me, “Whatever do you mean? It was a compliment!”

Ann: When I first thought about dating again after my divorce, a friend set me up with a guy she knew. While we were at dinner he said to me, “Dating pretty, young women was fun for a while, but now I’m glad to be out with a woman who’s intelligent instead.”

Pam: Yeah, too intelligent to go out with him again. A guy at work actually said something similar to me. I always say ‘please’, ‘thank you’, ‘would you mind’, and ‘when you get a chance’. Well, this guy tells me, “That’s what I like about you. Pretty, young women are always so demanding. You older women who can’t rely on your looks are always so polite.”

Ann: My most recent favorite backhanded compliment came from the father of one of Hannah’s friends. When he picked the girls up I was in the garage installing a new garage door opener. I was still at it when they came back several hours later. He said, “Wow, you’re very persistent. Most people would have given up and called someone competent by now.”

Pam: You don’t do so bad for a hard-working woman who can no longer rely on her looks.

Ann: Oh how sweet. You’ve become so extremely polite lately.

Pam: Oh shut up.