Etiquette For Guys Who Wanna Get Some

Pam: I was watching that Jane Austen chick flick Sense and Sensibility. Wouldn’t you love to live in that time when men had such beautiful manners?

Ann: You do realize that’s just a Hollywood fantasy version of how things were back then, right? Besides, that story’s about the very upper crust of society. I’m sure the common folk back then behaved just as badly as we do now.

Pam: It’s the little gestures that intrigue me. All those little bows and curtsies are so…well, civilized.

Ann: Sure, in those movies we see the men gallantly placing their coats over a puddle for the ladies to step on. What they don’t show is later that day, some poor woman washing and scrubbing those coats, desperately trying to get the mud stains out. How civilized is that?

Besides, we still have those little courtesies now. Men here tip their hats and hold doors and chairs for us.

Pam: Doors and chairs yes. But come on! When was the last time a man tipped his hat to you?


Ann: Actually fully tipped it? It’s been a long time. But they still do that sexy touch the front of the brim and nod kind of thing all the time. Don’t ya just love that?

Pam: Yeah, I’ve got to admit…that’s cool. And I love it when they sort of steer you through a crowd with their hand on the small of your back. It’s so gentle and so powerful all at once.

Ann: That little move has weakened my knees more than once. If men only knew how easy it is to wrap us around their little fingers. I don’t know a single woman who isn’t a sucker for a sweet-talker with beautiful manners.

Pam: I say forget the expensive meals and diamonds. All he has to do is open my car door and offer me his hand as I step out, and I’m hooked.

Ann: I don’t know…I’d bite for the manners but to be hooked I need the fancy meals too! After all, it’s not just the way to a man's heart!

Pam: I loved teaching Ross all those little things that separate the real men from the mere “guys”. By thirteen he had absolutely beautiful manners. But somehow they’ve seemed to fade away a bit during the years since that time. I think it was when he went away to college and realized he was the sole charm school graduate.

Ann: They probably all were taught proper etiquette. But none of them wanted to be the first one to do it and be the odd man out. Sort of an Emperor has no clothes kinda thing.

Pam: I think you’re onto something there. Once I saw Ross at a table of nine guys and a very buxom girl walked up and he was the only one to stand. They razzed him pretty good.

Ann: He should have just told them he was going for a better view!

Pam: Then I'd have to do the razzing. Anyway, that’s about the time when he started to drop some of the manners.

Ann: He still seems pretty gallant to me.

Pam: Not like Troy. I don’t know what you did to make those things stick over the long haul. Here he is in his early twenties and he’s absolutely perfect with his girlfriend.

Ann: That’s what makes the difference. We teach them all that stuff and then it seems to go into hibernation for a while. As soon as the right girl comes along, everything we taught them comes back full force.

Pam: It’s like that song, "I Like It, I Love It" by Tim McGraw. He says his parents tried to teach him courtesy, but “it never sank in ‘til that girl got a hold of me. Now I’m holding umbrellas and openin' up doors”.

So you think Ross will get back to those refined manners with women as soon as the right inspiration comes along?

Ann: I think so. And you’ll know it’s happened when he comes home from school with a laundry bag filled with cloaks covered in mud!