English As A Second Language

Ann: Isn’t it funny how some verbs just go with certain phrases? Like why do we say he ‘sports’ a mustache?

Pam: I’m not sure. I always thought the phrase ‘ekes out’ a living was sort of weird. Do we eke out anything else?

Ann: I don’t know. Good question. Then there are those phrases that are so obvious we don’t even have to finish them…Like ‘she’s expecting’ or ‘they’re engaged’. We don’t even bother with the ‘a baby’ or ‘to be married’ anymore.

Pam: Well you’re the master of strange uses of verbs. Remember that time you were deep into your software training? You were eating, sleeping, and breathing computer technology day and night. When I called and asked you what you were doing you said you were ‘installing’ your hair color. I about fell out of my chair laughing.

Ann: You’ve been known to twist a verb yourself. When you were talking about that friend of yours who was taking flying lessons you weren’t very impressed with his skills. You said that every Sunday he would “commit” aviation.

Pam: Oh yeah. I remember saying that. You know the joke about a doctor who is ‘practicing’ medicine. They say, “I don’t want someone who is still practicing. I want someone who has mastered the art”.

Ann: I always wondered why we use different verbs when it seems like the same one would be used. Like with sports we say we ‘play’ baseball, we ‘do’ gymnastics, and we ‘go’ windsurfing. They’re all sports. Why don’t we use the same verb to describe participating in them?

Pam: Okay, let’s mix it up. From now on I’ll ‘play’ jogging, ‘go’ tennis, and ‘do’ hockey.

Ann: You’ll sound like an English as a Second Language drop out!

Pam: Actually I feel really sorry for those ESL students. I’m glad English is my first language because I don’t think I could have learned it any other way.

Ann: When I was in college, a good friend of mine spent a year in Spain. I was so envious. Not only did she come back speaking fluent Spanish, she brought a handsome Spaniard back with her. He was struggling with his ESL class and asked for my help. He couldn’t grasp the difference between ‘lie’ and ‘lay’. The question was “The cat was ‘lying/laying’ beneath the tree.”

Pam: I hear native speakers misuse that one.

Ann: Yeah, but the funny part was when I told him the right answer was ‘lying’, he shook his head and said, “But, cats can’t talk!”

Then there are the prepositions. When we travel we can be "on an airplane", "in an airplane", or simply go "by airplane". I think if I was trying to learn it I’d go nuts.

Pam: I think the toughest part of learning English would be all our idioms. When I was in high school we had an exchange student on our softball team. She heard someone say our pitcher had “lost her touch” and she thought she had a neurological disease which made her go numb.

Ann: Yeah, when I was taking Japanese our instructor told us about an embarrassing moment she had. She had learned English in school in Japan as all students do and then came here for college. She was chosen to represent her dorm in a beauty contest. When it came time for the evening gown competition, she realized she made a mistake in translation. All she brought to wear was a night gown!

One Night Wonder

Ann: I overheard part of a conversation that, as it turns out, I totally misunderstood. I heard my sister tell her husband that their neighbor was “expecting it in August”. I thought she was pregnant but it turns out she just ordered new patio furniture. Thank goodness I didn’t say anything to the neighbor before my sister straightened me out.

Pam: Yeah, you have to be careful about that. But everyone makes that mistake once in a while. It actually happened to me in high school.

Ann: Someone thought you were pregnant!?

Pam: No. But it was along those lines. My best friend Kelly and I snuck our lunches out of the cafeteria to the auditorium. We sat on the stage behind the closed curtain on a couch that was part of the set of a play we were in. We wanted to be alone to discuss her big date the night before. What we didn’t know is that Sister Leticia was cleaning up nearby and overheard our conversation:

Pam: So tell me everything! How was it?

Kelly: I was kind of nervous but it went great. I’ve decided to call it my ‘one night wonder’.

Pam: So no one noticed you weren’t in your bed all night? Your folks are pretty strict. That was really risky.

Kelly: It was worth it. After all, we may just be freshmen but it was John’s junior prom. I had to make it special and memorable for him.

Pam: So how did it feel?

Kelly: It was uncomfortable at first. But, just like the book said, with patience and a few adjustments it got better.

Pam: So what did John think?

Kelly: What do you think he thought? He loved it! He was very pleased. I think it’s time for you to try a ‘one night wonder’.

Pam: I don’t think so. I’m not nearly as experienced as you are. I don’t think things would go as well.

Kelly: Oh come on. If I can do it you can do it. I’ll teach you everything you need to know and Randy will be very glad you did.


That’s exactly when Sister Leticia stepped through the curtain and onto the stage. She looked stunned. She told us we should not be in the auditorium during lunch, to not say another word, and to follow her to see Sister Stephen Anne, the disciplinarian.

Ann: So she heard what you two were saying!?

Pam: We were sure she did. So we followed her to Sister Stephen Anne’s office and sat on the bench outside while Sister Leticia spoke to her about our transgression and, more importantly, about what she’d overheard.

Ann: Not exactly the conversation you want to have with a nun!

Pam: So Sister Stephen Anne calls us in and we stand there in front of her desk while she talks to Kelly first. She tells her, “We will discuss you girls being out of bounds later. First I want to address the bigger issue. I am very sad to hear that you have given in to temptation with your boyfriend, a mistake I believe you will seriously regret. But to encourage your friend to follow you into your sinful ways is unforgivable.”

Ann: Wow…pretty harsh. Did she call your parents?

Pam: Kelly and I were baffled. It took a minute for us to figure out what she was saying. Then Kelly and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Ann: Laughing?

Pam: Yeah. We explained to Sister Stephen Anne that Kelly’s ‘one night wonder’ was a dress she stayed up all night cutting, sewing, and fitting to wear to her boyfriend’s junior prom.

Ann: And when you asked how it felt and how he liked it…I get it!

Pam: I was laughing pretty hard but still managed to suggest to Sister Stephen Anne that maybe she should be talking to Sister Leticia instead of us. I said, “I’d think you’d be curious about why on earth she assumed we were talking about sex!”