Tanks For Nothing!

Ann: You wouldn’t believe what happened to me up here bringing Hannah to school.

Pam: Is everything’s okay?

Ann: Yeah, I’m just about $48.00 lighter than I was last night.

Pam: You were mugged!?

Ann: In a manner of speaking. Someone stole the gasoline from my rent car while I was parked overnight in the hotel across from campus.

Pam: Wow! I haven’t thought about that in a long time.

Ann: You’ve heard of such a thing?

Pam: Oh sure...back when I was in high school. The Catholic girl’s school I attended was right next door to the Catholic boy’s school. When gas prices started really sky-rocketing, we girls would find our tanks, which we’d filled up that morning, empty in the afternoon.

Ann: I don’t know about you, but when I was in high school every penny counted. I bet you girls were angry.

Pam: I wasn’t allowed to work during the school year, so I was on a strict gas allowance from my father. For a couple of weeks I had to go back to him for the gas card again and again. He actually sort of suggested I might be using his card to fill up my friend’s tanks, charge them at a discount, and pocketing the cash! I was outraged, not to mention not nearly that creative.

Ann: Hey, he was complimenting your brilliance. Too bad you didn't think it up. Was the same thing happening at the boy’s school next door?

Pam: No. That was our first clue. This was way before there were security cameras covering every parking lot. When our gas started to disappear, our security consisted of a couple of nuns from the AV department squatting in the bushes with those huge old video cameras perched up on their shoulders.

Ann: That’s quite an image. Did they catch the theives on tape?

Pam: Actually no. As soon as the boys appeared with the siphon and went to work, the nuns were so angry they dropped the cameras, snatched the boys up by the ears, and dragged them across the parking lots to present them to the Jesuits.

Ann: But they didn’t get the evidence on video!

Pam: What could be better then a couple of Dominican nuns as witnesses? The boys didn’t even bother to deny it. My dad bought me a locking gas cap anyway.

Ann: I guess those boys were out sick the day the Jesuits taught ‘Thou shalt not steal’.

Pam: You wouldn’t believe how the boys justified it! They told their Dean of Students that they thought it wasn’t so bad because they were using the gas to take us girls out on dates.

Ann: Now that's creative.

Pam: From then on it became part of our girl’s school vernacular. We’d say, “I only had a couple of eighth-tank dates with him.” Or, “It was a half-tank wedding.” Even our twenty-fifth reunion was billed as a “Full-Tank Event”.

Ann: Well I’m not buying a locking gas cap for a rent car I’ll only have for another day and a half.

Pam: Look at it this way…Hannah may end up with a couple of quarter-tank dates in the next few weeks!

One Night Wonder

Ann: I overheard part of a conversation that, as it turns out, I totally misunderstood. I heard my sister tell her husband that their neighbor was “expecting it in August”. I thought she was pregnant but it turns out she just ordered new patio furniture. Thank goodness I didn’t say anything to the neighbor before my sister straightened me out.

Pam: Yeah, you have to be careful about that. But everyone makes that mistake once in a while. It actually happened to me in high school.

Ann: Someone thought you were pregnant!?

Pam: No. But it was along those lines. My best friend Kelly and I snuck our lunches out of the cafeteria to the auditorium. We sat on the stage behind the closed curtain on a couch that was part of the set of a play we were in. We wanted to be alone to discuss her big date the night before. What we didn’t know is that Sister Leticia was cleaning up nearby and overheard our conversation:

Pam: So tell me everything! How was it?

Kelly: I was kind of nervous but it went great. I’ve decided to call it my ‘one night wonder’.

Pam: So no one noticed you weren’t in your bed all night? Your folks are pretty strict. That was really risky.

Kelly: It was worth it. After all, we may just be freshmen but it was John’s junior prom. I had to make it special and memorable for him.

Pam: So how did it feel?

Kelly: It was uncomfortable at first. But, just like the book said, with patience and a few adjustments it got better.

Pam: So what did John think?

Kelly: What do you think he thought? He loved it! He was very pleased. I think it’s time for you to try a ‘one night wonder’.

Pam: I don’t think so. I’m not nearly as experienced as you are. I don’t think things would go as well.

Kelly: Oh come on. If I can do it you can do it. I’ll teach you everything you need to know and Randy will be very glad you did.


That’s exactly when Sister Leticia stepped through the curtain and onto the stage. She looked stunned. She told us we should not be in the auditorium during lunch, to not say another word, and to follow her to see Sister Stephen Anne, the disciplinarian.

Ann: So she heard what you two were saying!?

Pam: We were sure she did. So we followed her to Sister Stephen Anne’s office and sat on the bench outside while Sister Leticia spoke to her about our transgression and, more importantly, about what she’d overheard.

Ann: Not exactly the conversation you want to have with a nun!

Pam: So Sister Stephen Anne calls us in and we stand there in front of her desk while she talks to Kelly first. She tells her, “We will discuss you girls being out of bounds later. First I want to address the bigger issue. I am very sad to hear that you have given in to temptation with your boyfriend, a mistake I believe you will seriously regret. But to encourage your friend to follow you into your sinful ways is unforgivable.”

Ann: Wow…pretty harsh. Did she call your parents?

Pam: Kelly and I were baffled. It took a minute for us to figure out what she was saying. Then Kelly and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Ann: Laughing?

Pam: Yeah. We explained to Sister Stephen Anne that Kelly’s ‘one night wonder’ was a dress she stayed up all night cutting, sewing, and fitting to wear to her boyfriend’s junior prom.

Ann: And when you asked how it felt and how he liked it…I get it!

Pam: I was laughing pretty hard but still managed to suggest to Sister Stephen Anne that maybe she should be talking to Sister Leticia instead of us. I said, “I’d think you’d be curious about why on earth she assumed we were talking about sex!”