Misfits Need Love Too

Pam: When I got my daughter that cute little puppy when she was in fourth grade I never considered the fact that I was going to be stuck taking care of an elderly Chihuahua when she went away to college.

Ann: Is Misfit giving you trouble again?

Pam: No. Not again. …still. She spoiled him absolutely rotten and then moved thirteen hundred miles away. I wish we’d included “Must allow dogs to reside in dorms” on her list of criteria for selecting a college.

Ann: She’s pretty attached to him isn’t she? It’s cute that Misfit has outfits for every occasion. He looked adorable in his tux on New Year’s Eve.

Pam: You wouldn’t think it’s so cute if you were doing that dog’s laundry. I actually have a Misfit pile when I’m folding clothes. How nuts is that?

Ann: Didn’t she used to paint his toenails too?

Pam: Don’t remind me! That started one of the biggest fights she and her brother ever had.

Ann: I don’t think I’ve heard that one.

Pam: He was giving his little sister a hard time about painting Misfit’s toenails and telling her that since Misfit’s a boy he shouldn’t have polish on his nails.

Ann: The fact that he’s a dog wasn’t relevant?

Pam: Listen, if you start getting all logical we’ll never get through this story.

Ann: You’re right. What was I thinking? Go on….

Pam: So she says, “Well it’s blue polish!” He tells her the dog is unhappy to have polish of any color on his nails. She was quite offended by the suggestion that she’d do anything to make her precious puppy unhappy.

So that night when he fell asleep she snuck into her brother’s room and painted his toenails with the same blue polish she’d used on the dog. Then she gathered all the nail polish remover and acetone from everywhere in the house and hid it. Apparently he was awake for several hours before he finally noticed.

Ann: Only your daughter!

Pam: I know. I know. So I’m in the middle of the grocery store and I get a call on my cell with each of them on an extension yelling at the top of their lungs. I hear, “I’m gonna kill her!” and “I know what Misfit likes!” and “Make her tell me where it is!” and “I think it looks good!” He’s furious, she’s laughing, and I’m clueless.

Ann: That’s what you get for leaving the house to buy food.

Pam: She takes things anyone says about Misfit very seriously. I got on her bad side myself at Christmas.

Ann: What’d you say?

Pam: She was checking out the pet store ads and saw an angel costume and asked me, “Can’t you just picture Misfit as a little angel with wings and a halo?” Being in a constant state of frustration with that dog I answered honestly, “I do…frequently.”

Ann: Ouch.

Pam: Then last week she called to tell me she joined a new club on campus that raises money for the local animal shelter and for abandoned livestock. It’s called We Love Animals. I told her I should join too because I love animals…they’re delicious. She didn’t appreciate my humor.

Ann: So why is Misfit making you nuts today?

Pam: He’s had this scaly rash on his ears that I’d been treating with hydrogen peroxide but it wasn’t improving. So I took him to the vet today and she told me he has dermatophytosis of the epidermal lining of his ears.

Ann: Sounds expensive. What is it?

Pam: It’s a common fungal infection. She said he probably picked it up outside on his feet and spread it to his ears when he was scratching.

Ann: So basically he has athlete’s ear?

Pam: Yep. The vet told me to go to the drug store and buy some generic foot fungus lotion and put it on his ears twice a day. So now I’m feeding him little treats one at a time so he’ll allow me to smear this stuff in his tender ears.

Ann: I always knew you’d be a wonderful grandma!

Pam: Oh shut up!