The Wisdom of Yoda

Pam: Okay, I’ve had it! The roles I play in my relationships must change. My entire adult life I’ve been told to steady the ladder, hold down the fort, keep the home fires burning, and serve as ground crew. Meanwhile the men I’m “supporting” climb the ladder, fight the battles, take the adventures, and soar in the skies. It’s time I quit setting up the shots for someone else and took a few shots myself don’t you think?

Ann: I think that's a great idea. I could use a few shots too. Well, you’re right on schedule...forty-something and ready to finally live your own life. We’ve done the good daughter, good wife, good mother, and good employee thing. It’s important and at times satisfying….but it gets old doesn’t it?

Pam: Is it wrong that I can’t stand the thought of spending another minute as someone else’s support system? Remember that movie “The Goodbye Girl” when what’s her name is aggravated by the leading man’s decision to go off to pursue his acting career? He thinks that she'll be thrilled. But she gets frustrated and confesses to not being willing to wait for him. As she explains when he asks why she can’t be happy for him, “It’s my third time up as cheerleader!”

Ann: Well if you’ve got the pom-poms…

Pam: Very funny.

Ann: Seriously, this is something to really give some thought to…

Pam: I have. I’m incredibly confident that the people I support emotionally will be successful. But I’m not sure I can be. I have less control over them than I do myself. So why am I so sure they can do it but not sure I can?

Ann: Do you think it has something to do with courage? It’s certainly easier to talk someone else into being brave than to be brave ourselves.

Pam: No guts no glory huh?

Ann: It’s like being in Vegas and talking the drunk next to you into going “all in” on a single card. It’s fun and exciting but in the end, win or lose, you’ve still got your money, you know? Your dignity. But actually laying it on the line yourself, gambling your own loot, that’s really a bold move.

Pam: What’s weird is that once I help others to reach their potential, help them find success, I’m incredibly frustrated with them once they get there. I help, encourage, assist and sometimes literally push someone up into a position and then I envy them. As they sit at the top, I see all the mistakes they’re making and I know I would do a better job. And yet, there I am again; back on the list of nominees for “best supporting actress”.

Ann: So do it for yourself this time.

Pam: Easy for you to say. I don’t even know what I want. I don’t know where to begin. I want to build something for myself for a change…but I don’t know what to build. It’s like being incredibly hungry and having an entire buffet to choose from. But when I was young I couldn’t choose a passion to focus on because everything looked so good. Now that I’m older, I can’t choose because nothing looks good to me. Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s fear that has me stuck.

Ann: Once I heard if you feel stuck in your life you’re supposed to imagine what you would do differently if you could go back and do it again knowing what you know now. Think of times when, looking back, you wished you’d been gutsier, times when you wished you said, “Yes!” When you have that firmly in mind, go and do it! Start now. You know a lot now you didn’t used to, so why not go ahead and do what you would have done? We all say, “If I’d only known then what I know now…” --today is tomorrow’s “then”. Pardon me for sounding like a Nike commercial, but, just do it.

Pam: That sounds great in theory but the fact is that those ships have sailed. I will never be the youngest speechwriter to ever pen an inaugural address or the first woman CEO of the world’s largest aviation manufacturer.

Ann: So forget being the first or the youngest. Be the best, or maybe even the oldest. Think of Ray Kroc. He was 52 when he started McDonald’s. Or Colonel Sanders, who was in his 70s when he finally hit it big with Kentucky Fried Chicken. Personally, I draw inspiration from Jan Karon, one of my favorite authors. She didn’t start writing until she was 50 and her Mitford series is a consistent bestseller.

Pam: When I think about doing something wonderful, great even, I always feel like I’m being…..I don’t know…proud? Presumptuous? Some deadly sin…but I guess I should try.

Ann: Okay, now you're forcing me to quote Yoda. “Do or do not…there is no try.”