TGIF: Thank God I'm Fired!

Pam: I overheard some women today discussing whether it was wrong to call the lady who cleans their house a “maid”.

Ann: I’m pretty sure most people call them housekeepers these days. I guess for some people “maid” teeters on “servant”.

Pam: Although for my mother, they were one and the same.

Ann: I remember you telling me she went through them pretty fast.

Pam: Yeah, but it’s okay because every one of them was incredibly grateful to be fired.

Ann: Why?

Pam: She was unbelievably difficult but she paid so well they could never bring themselves to quit.

Ann: Didn’t you tell me she once fired a housekeeper for waking her up ten minutes early with the smell of breakfast cooking?

Pam: Yep. When I asked my mother what she expected the woman to do she said, and I quote, “She shouldn’t allow the scent of omelettes to drift prematurely into my bedroom.”

Ann: You’ve got to be kidding me!

Pam: No. I’m serious. In fact, when I was in college my mother once sat a housekeeper in front of a huge pile of gifts, Christmas paper and bows, and told her, “I want every last gift wrapped exquisitely by noon.”

Ann: Let me guess…the housekeeper didn’t meet the deadline?

Pam: On the contrary, she was finished by ten.

Ann: I know…they weren’t exquisite enough.

Pam: Nope, they were absolutely beautiful. But she got the ax anyway.

Ann: Okay so what was it?


Pam: It was too late when my mother realized she had neglected to have the housekeeper label the gifts in any way. When we gathered Christmas morning, we got a kick out of taking turns choosing and opening the gifts while my mother struggled to remember who each one was for.

She said things like, “I’m not sure who I had in mind when I picked that out.” And, “Oh Pam, that would look great on you!” as if she was seeing it for the first time. In the end we pretty much picked what we wanted to take home with us from the growing pile of unassigned loot. It was actually one of our most memorable and most fun Christmas mornings ever.

Ann: Well that sounds like it all worked out great. Why did the housekeeper loose her job?

Pam: As my mother explained it, “Well, who wraps without labels? She should have reminded me. It’s just common sense.”

Ann: So your mom’s not common enough for common sense herself?

Pam: Guess not. These poor women…talk about trapped. It was like being employed and massively overpaid by Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest.

Ann: I don’t think I could ever have a housekeeper. It’s so….intimate. Just the idea of someone doing my dirty laundry makes me feel naked. And trust me, that’s not a pretty sight.

Pam: Knowing me, I’d clean the whole house before the housekeeper arrived so I wouldn’t be embarrassed by the mess. So what would be the point?

Ann: Then I guess we’re destined to scrub our own tubs, huh?

Pam: Yeah, and we’ll never know the pleasure of firing someone for rolling socks instead of folding them.

Ann: She didn’t!?

Pam: She did!