Manure Happens

Ann: I just hung up with my cousin Cindy. We were reminiscing about when we were kids. I always thought my aunt was the coolest, but the more I hear from Cindy about her mom, the more I wonder if we’re talking about the same woman.

Pam: A kid’s perspective on their parents is always very different than anyone else’s. I keep telling my kids that the permissive and fun-loving man who is their grandfather is NOT the man who raised me.

Ann: Won’t it be fun when we’re permissive and fun-loving?

Pam: Hey, we already are, we’re just wise enough not to let our kids see it.

Ann: Apparently, I got my wisdom from my aunt. Cindy was telling me that she and her brothers and sister used to absolutely hate working in the garden when they were kids. But their mom counted on the vegetables to help feed their large family so they had to pitch in.

Pam: I love gardening but according to my kids, I only grow “useless” flowers.

Ann: So one year my aunt told the kids that the circus was in town. She said if they were good and helped in the garden all week without complaining, she’d take them into town on Saturday to see the clowns and animals.

Pam: Sounds pretty cool to me.

Ann: Just wait….So Cindy and the other kids were very excited and gave her the most enthusiastic help they ever had. They spent the week weeding, hoeing, picking, and watering. Cindy’s brother even suggested they whistle or sing while they work just to cinch the deal.
Pam: The old ‘whistle while you work’ bit… had they just seen Snow White?

Ann: When Saturday came, true to her word, she loaded up all the kids into the station wagon and drove into town. As the huge striped tent got closer, the kids got more excited, until their mom drove right past the parking area and around to the back of the circus.

Pam: That’s odd!

Ann: She told the kids she’d made an arrangement with the animal trainer for them to see the elephants up close.

Pam: How fun! I guess the whistling paid off! I should start whistling at the office. Maybe I could get a raise.

Ann: Knowing the men where you work, they’d probably think you were flirting. But that could have the same result. Go for it.

So anyway, they jump out of the station wagon and their mom calls them around to the back of the car where she’d opened the hatch back. Cindy thought maybe it was full of rejected veggies from the garden to feed the animals.

Pam: That was a good idea.

Ann: But there were only a couple of huge galvanized tubs and a pile of shovels.

Pam: Ohhhh…I don’t like the sound of this…

Ann: Yep. Turns out, the arrangement with the trainer was to come and “remove” all the elephant dung for her garden. Cindy and the other kids spent hours scooping the poop.

Pam: But she said she’d take them to the circus.

Ann: Technically she did. She never said she’d take them to see the circus she’d said she’d take them to see the animals and clowns. And they did see them. The performers all waved to my cousins as they paraded passed them into the back flap of the tent for the show.

Beach or Bust

Ann: I’m pretty bummed. Joe and I finally got our romantic seashore get-away and the beach was a total bust.

Pam: Well you said it was “beach or bust”. I guess you ought to set more flexible parameters next time. Did it rain?

Ann: A little. But the big problem was a subtropical depression offshore. The tide was so high there was absolutely no beach to walk on. The waves were actually lapping on the seawall.

Pam: Couldn’t pull off the old walking on water move, huh? Didn’t you tell me you had a balcony that opened onto the beach? Why didn’t you just open the door? At least you could hear the waves.

Ann: We did the first day. It was actually pretty funny. The wind off the beach was so strong it raced through the room blowing into one air vent and out the other. The whistle it made was so loud it drowned out the sound of the ocean.

Pam: Wow, that’s some wind!

Ann: You have no idea. At one point Joe was in the shower so I decided to go fill up the ice bucket. With the balcony door opened the vacuum pressure in the room made it impossible for me to open the front door to the suite. So I closed the balcony door and went out the front door to get the ice. While I was down the hall, Joe finished his shower and opened the balcony door again. Well, I couldn’t get back into the room! It was hysterical.

Pam: At least you knew no one was going to break in the front door as long as the balcony door was open. I’m sure the sound of the waves was really soothing.

Ann: It was for exactly one day. Then the wind changed direction and the smoke from all those wildfires was so thick we had to shut all the doors and windows. We might as well have been in El Paso for the beach time I got out of that trip.

Pam: If I know you and Joe, I’m sure you found other ways to entertain yourselves.

Ann: Of course. But I really need my beach time to unwind. Nothing in the world does it for me like a walk on the beach.

Pam: I wouldn’t tell Joe that little tidbit of information. It might hurt his self-image as a stud muffin.

That’s tough though. I’ve managed to develop my unwind activities right here at home. I either soak in the tub by candlelight and music or I work in the garden. Either of those will hit my reset button for me.

Ann: Forget a reset button. I need a ‘Control-Alt-Delete’!

Pam: Yeah, you’ve been through the wringer lately. And since absolutely none of it is self-inflicted, you have my sympathies. Is there anything I can do?

Ann: I don’t think so.

Pam: Why don’t you come pull some weeds in my flower garden? I’m sure you’ll feel better.

Ann: No thanks Tom Sawyer. What? You couldn’t offer me a soak in the jacuzzi?

Pam: Sure. Come on over. But I should warn you…I’m in a ‘stop the world I wanna get off’ kind of place too. You may find yourself with some company in that big tub. But I guess that would definitely make Joe question his stud muffin status.

Ann: It’s not his status that people would question! I’ll take the tub. You’ll just have to pull weeds!